The Ominous Cloud of AIDS - Part 2 of 3 "The Present"

I thank God every day for my health and for keeping me safe from HIV / AIDS. But even though this disease is no longer the death sentence that it once was, the ominous cloud still hangs heavy over my life and my decisions.

After my last real relationship ended (suddenly and unexpectedly) I began to explore my new found sexual freedom. But STD's of all sorts, including the ever present HIV, are alive and well and I find that I am living in the middle of one of the highest risk areas in the United States. It’s still terrifying.

Times have changed and now a hot sexual encounter is only a click of the mouse away. In a person’s on-line profile right next to their age, height, eye color etc., you will also find their HIV status. The problem is that many people lie or simply omit that critical information because it cuts down on their prospects. My theory has always been to treat everyone as if they are HIV positive and hopefully that will help keep me safe. It’s a good theory but in practice it is not so simple. Oral sex has always been an area of question as far as safety goes. Many studies have proven that the risk is low – but it is still a risk. I find that I am much more likely to have oral sex with someone if I think they are a safer risk. If I know for sure that someone is HIV positive, I tend to omit oral sex. In fact I try to avoid sexual encounters with known HIV positive people as much as possible. It is not good logic – especially since people do lie – but it does help me mentally. Of course condoms are the rule for me EVERY time for other activities. I know people who actually believe they won't catch HIV if they are only a top, or if they stop before climax. They are fools.

The “ominous cloud” that I have been speaking of is heaviest and scariest when it comes to the HIV test. I take the test every year and typically more often. Thankfully we no longer have to wait a whole week or two to get those results. That was pure torture several years ago with the mind going in all directions while I waited for the results. It’s only been in the last year or so that we can have the result within an hour. Still the test is scary - very scary, especially when one is sexually active in a place like S. Florida. But it is important to know your status, weather or not you think you might have HIV. I pray God will continue to keep me safe.

After having a bit of sexual freedom, I think I am ready for a real relationship again. I’ve met a couple of guys that I thought might be right for me. But as luck would have it, I found out they are healthy HIV positive people. I’m again faced with the decision of having a relationship with someone who is already positive. Perhaps it is a bit selfish to only want a long term relationship with someone without HIV, but it is a heavy mental burden for both people when one is positive and the other is not. The risk is always there. If I do find someone I feel strongly about, I hope I will not let the fear of HIV interfere with that relationship.

Today in the United States, HIV has become a “manageable illness”. Great advances have been made in the treatments available. But they are expensive and come with many complications and side effects. We haven’t gotten to the point of living a “normal” life with HIV but its close. So what does the future hold for those infected and affected by HIV? I will cover those views and opinions in part three of this series.