"Gay" By Any Other Name

I had an interesting e-mail conversation with my good friend Toine tonight regarding the term "Same Gender Loving". It's a phrase that is being accepted in the black community rather than the word "Gay". I first commented on this in my article called "The Other List". Toine, being black and at least partially Same Gender Loving is a good person to have this conversation with because he sees the other perspective. Here are some excerpts from our conversation:

D - I’m reading the newsletter from the Bishop . (a local e-mail list) I’m irritated that the blk gay folk now want to use the term “Same Gender Loving” as if “gay” only refers to wht folk. I also found that term being used in Clique magazine. I hate all these labels and acronyms.

T - I read the newsletter. I don’t know why/when blk gay folk started using that term. I don’t think Same Gender Loving people think "gay" refers to wht folk. I think they may be trying to make the point that when the term is used, is mainly associated with wht folk.

D - I thought it was associated with gay folk.

T - Not according to some Same Gender Loving folk.

D - Well homosexual is homosexual no matter what word(s) you use. It’s difficult to be politically correct when the terms keep changing. And the terms keep changing because people don’t want to be who they are. But you can only change the term – you can’t change who you are.

T - The point is that it probably has more to do with race and being accepted into the larger "gay" society than it has to do with sexual orientation.

D - If a dude got more than one dik in him – he gay. LOL

T - LOL I think you’re still missing the point. It’s not about being just gay. It's about being colored and being accepted into the larger gay, i.e. white, society. There is a distinction.

D - I don’t think there should be a distinction (even though I agree there is one). But if there is a distinction – it rests totally on the side of the blk folk in my opinion. No wht person would say you can’t be gay because you are not wht. Why can’t everyone use the same words? It doesn’t really make sense to me. Further – if gay blk folk are Same Gender Loving – then so am I and all those other gays. Will the blk gays get offended if we also use that term?

T - Everyone says that they don’t think that there should be a distinction but yet there still is. Go figure. I don’t think its accurate to say that the perception lies solely with blk folk. Something perpetuates the distinction. If you don’t think so, consider this as an example. Why is it that a wht guy can be "ok" with having sex with a blk guy, as long as his friends don’t know, but not be comfortable dating a blk guy? I know the opposite is also true but the root cause of that is based on race and what the larger society thinks.

D - Well all that I can agree with 100%. So do you think using “Same Gender Loving” instead of “Gay” breaks down that distinction or perpetuates it?

T - I don’t think its meant to do either. I think one of the points was to come up with something that allows Same Gender Loving folk to not have to look to the larger gay society to define themselves. However, I wasn't at the Same Gender Loving People meeting so that's only my best guess.